Our New IVF Plan Arrived Today!

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So our new IVF Plan is here and I’m pretty excited about it. It represents so much hope ☺.
Things are changing this go round. Let’s hope that makes the difference. My first two cycles I was on Lupron. This time I won’t be.

This cycle is called “FSH (Gonal-F) / Antagonist (Cetrotide) Plan with Birth Control Pills (BCPs)”

What a mouthful!

I still don’t understand the antagonist part, so a few Google searches are likely in my future.

Cycle 3 will include BCPs for 21 days. Followed by sonogram. Pending the results of the sonogram we will begin injections on 04/21 with an estimated egg retrieval of 05/03!

It seems pretty fast from what I remember. I need to review my old plans and see how they compare time wise. Don’t get me wrong…I’m NOT complaining, I’m quite happy about it.

I will be on Gonal-F, Cetrotide and Menopur…with an Ovidrel trigger. The only one that’s new to me is Cetrotide. Anyone have feedback or recommendations on that one? I’ll just tell myself it’s going to be a piece of cake!

The whole cycle. CAKE!!! 💗💟💞

So we already have our sonogram appointment set up for 04/18. We’ll also be signing all the consent forms at this appointment. You know…it’s like buying a damn house!

Anyway, that’s the news. I’ll be happy and hopeful for tonight. I wonder if new things will happen at acupuncture since this is all getting going, will let you all know if so. It’s hard to believe this will be our 3rd egg retrieval in less than a year.

Wowza IVF you sure know how to rock a girl’s world!

Sleep tight. xoxo

Fertility Engine is Gearing Up, Get Ready

That’s my sage plant growing…sage is supposed to have all sorts of powers, so I’m imagining it putting the good vibes on this post and this cycle.

IVF cycle 3 we’re looking at you!

So today is CD 2 for me. I finally got my period which I’m grateful for (huh?!). Y’all know what I mean. The tooth extraction from hell had me on hydrocodon for 7 days straight…day and night! I’m finally on the mend and my cycle didn’t show up until I had been off that nasty drug for over a day. It makes me relieved bc my body is doing what it needs to do.

I got in touch with my IVF nurse and she called in my birth control pills which I’ll start on day 5, Monday. She asked if we had any travel plans for the next few months that she needed to work around. I wish! We need it, but you know how money goes when you’re in the middle of all this. For God’s sake though we at least need a long weekend!

So she’s putting together our schedule and will get it to us once the Doctor approves and then we’ll get our first appointment scheduled. It makes me feel good to know it’s happening. I mean, we’re doing everything we can…right? Luckily I don’t mind the office visits at all.

Both me and the husband have to do infectious diseases bloodwork again bc ours is approaching 12 months which is the cut off. No biggie for me but he is terrified of needles and last time I thought he was going to pass out, for real. He doesn’t have problems giving me the injections though. Go figure.

The DNA fragmentation test came back ok, no action needed on our part. Good. I hope and pray that all the work I’ve been doing with the acupuncturist will have a positive impact. We need some good news for a change. Just like everyone else out there in this boat.

On a different note, yesterday marked 13 years since I lost my dad. Bizarre. He feels far away. And I’m pretty sure he is most of the time…but every once in a while I have a moment that brings me back. And I had one of those not too long ago with a total stranger…odd as that may seem. I actually wept in a total stranger’s arms about his death. It’s funny when and how it hits you out of nowhere.

Life is a funny thing. I hope he lends us hand from above, we sure could use it. I’m talking to you, Dad! Miss you. Love you.

Here’s to a restful and relaxing weekend.

xoxo

Saturday Night on Infertility

I actually got out of the house for a short time last night to hook up with some girls in the neighborhood as a send off for one that is moving. They’re all great women. I had been in the house all day doped up as a result of my tooth extraction. Turns out the healing process is long and way more painful than I would have expected.

Anyway, the group of women I was with are relatively close in age to me, early-mid thirties. So you can imagine where they are in life, the same place we are all trying to get to! One is 37 wks pregnant, one has a 1 yr old, one has a 7 month old, and one just had her second child a few weeks ago.

And me.

You can about imagine the conversation, just as it should be for people in that place in life. Topics centered on things such as: newborn photos, breastfeeding, formula, nipples, tantrums, dads, cesarean sections, and getting your body back after birth. Oh and baby registries.

You  can also imagine how much I had to contribute to those conversations…

I mostly sat quietly eating my pizza.

I left early as my mouth was starting to hurt when the meds wore off. Again, they are all lovely people, but it’s just such an odd place to be. I have no clue about their experiences, and am trying like hell to get there, it’s just taking me so much longer.

I wasn’t too bummed out about it, sadly I guess I’m getting used to those sorts of moments. Even though I’m not alone in this, I do feel like a minority. Ahhh, such is life. I guess.

Good news is that our fertility clinic called. The DNA fragmentation test results have not come back yet, but they did tell us that the husband’s sperm numbers, etc. are continuing to go up ☺ So that’s totally encouraging.

Looking forward to the appointment with the therapist this week. She’s been through infertility herself, which makes a huge difference. If you aren’t talking to anyone about this process I highly encourage you to. Helps with perspective.

xoxo

P.S. Pics are some blooms around my yard. Enjoy!

A Sea Creature Moved In…Not the Kind You Might Be Thinking.

I’m having a time getting over now nasty this thing looks. Do you know what it is?

MY NEW TEMPORARY TOOTH THAT I WEAR FOR THE NEXT 12 MONTHS!!!!!

Otherwise known as a flipper.

I now know about the implant process.
1. Extract tooth
2. Fill cavity with cadaver bone and stitch closed
3. 6 months later (healing time) have implant put in
4. 6 months later (I guess more healing time) get your new crown, and voila you’re another year older with a fancy new tooth

Geeeeeeez.
It’s actually been quite painful. My entire mouth is sore. It was just one tooth but they’re all connected…go figure. Maybe my other teeth are mourning the loss of their family member. I’ve been on heavy pain killers and missed a day of work. But it’s getting better.

Definitely distracting me somewhat from IVF drama and I still haven’t started my period so everything there is in a holding pattern. I bet the additional meds I’ve been on are playing in to all that. Hydrocodon, 800mg ibuprofen, antibiotics…FUN!

I’m still seeing the acupuncturist…tomorrow in fact. And I’m looking forward to it. Man I hope and pray working with her makes a difference.

Also the husband did his DNA fragmentation test earlier this week. I think we get the results in a week and a half. I believe they are shipping the sample on dry ice to some other lab. He had misgivings about whether or not it was necessary, to which I responded please just do it. More information can only help at this point in our TTC process. One of these days I’ll get around to posting our TTC timeline for anyone that might be curious. It’s been such a difficult and life changing process, but as I’ve begun reading others infertility blogs my eyes have been opened to how much more complex the journey can be for some.

We all have our own unique path.

Praying for strength for each and every one of us.

xoxo

People Might Not Always Understand Our IVF Journey, That’s OK.

I found myself in a conversation tonight about where the husband and I are in the IVF process. I was open and honest as usual. I’m not a very private person as one might guess based on the subject of this blog…

So anyway, the question that was posed to me was have we thought about what we’ll do if this 3rd time doesn’t work. And the comment that followed was something along the lines of, “you’ll be childless or adopt.” I was almost speechless.

I am not at all opposed to adopting, but we’re not there yet. You can imagine what hit me the hardest though. I know there are those that start down this path and eventually find resolve in the decision to live child free. I fully support anyone making that decision. It can never be mine, however. And the husband shares my feelings. We will find a way to be parents.

So naturally the experience got me thinking, and it was sad. But it’s okay bc I know there was no mal intention. People (including me) just don’t always know what they’re saying when they say it. And so all is forgiven, but it still hurts. All of it.

We aren’t focusing energies on what we’ll do if this next cycle isn’t successful. We’ll get there if we have to, but until then I prefer to live in a place of hope. ☺

The husband is going Tuesday for the DNA Fragmentation test. Anyone have any feedback on that? Hopefully all goes well.

I’m yet to start cycle day 1, which I’m eagerly awaiting…go figure! I’m only late bc of residual hormones, definitely not at all pregnant. Let’s get it going already. Tomorrow I go for x-rays and impressions to prepare for my tooth extraction. Ewwwww….oh well it could be worse, as we all know.

Peace and rest for our weary heads and hearts.

xoxo

Unexpected medical expenses. Can I get a HOOrah?!

I noticed a little bump on my gum line a couple of weeks ago…it didn’t hurt at all, but I’d never seen anything like that before.

So I finally got around to getting to the dentist today and lo and behold

I HAVE AN ABSCESS IN MY MOUTH!

O.M.G.

After several x-rays it turns out the problem is a tooth which has already had TWO root canals. God the tooth drama.

I will get the final blessing from the endodontist on Thursday but it’s looking like I will have to have the tooth removed and replaced with an implant.

Wait it gets better… $3k (after insurance) and up to 12 months before it’s all done depending on how the extraction goes. Fun!!!!! That’s one effing expensive tooth to flush down the toilet.

Luckily for the dentist I just laughed when she told me, I’m like lady this is the least of my problems. You probably know where my mind immediately went…this better not F with my next IVF cycle!!!! Because as we all know, IVF TRUMPS all!!!! Pun intended, bc regardless of our opinion on the guy Trump is definitely trumping in the polls ;). Just sayin’.

So I immediately got in touch with my IVF nurse who confirmed all would be okay. I’m on antibiotics and I’m freaky these days about any additional drugs. Cause you know, all we want during this process is MORE meds, right?

So that’s today’s story. That and I’m waiting for my period to start any day now so I’ll start back up with birth control before the next phase.

2016, the year of IVF and the tooth ☺

It’s been a day, but I’m good with it all. The evening has been nice. Here’s hoping it has for you too. xoxo

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Getting real with IVF–Take ALL the help you can get, you’ll need it

I grew that rose…well sort of. I mostly just planted it about 4 years ago for the birth of a friend’s baby. That was before the madness of infertility consumed my life. Who knew? I didn’t, that’s for sure. But it’s a beautiful rose and roses are my fave. They’re just hard to beat. I had black magic roses at my wedding, I loved them. They really are magical. If you believe in magic…which I do. But that’s another story.

So anyway, back to getting all the help you can get. When I first began working with a fertility clinic I thought I could handle things. Well, after enough losses…F that, I know I can’t handle it. It’s entirely too much for anyone to bear for any extended period of time. And let’s face it, those of us walking this path know it ain’t no short journey!

Cue the support group (here and more here), the therapist, the massage therapist, the acupuncturist (here and more here) and BOOM it’s like there’s no effing turning back. I NEED HELP. Do your friends understand? Maybe sometimes a little bit. But even so do you want to cry to them about your struggle when it’s pushing 4 years? Not always, but you still need relief. So you make appointments and you pay. Because money becomes a very different thing when you’re living through something like this. You have to take moments of peace and relief anyway you can. Be reasonable if you can or don’t bc I certainly won’t judge. Put yourself first bc this is one of the hardest things you’ll EVER do.

So tonight was a big night. My husband met my therapist WITH me which is huge for him. We visited a therapist before, several years ago, and we have both seen people individually on and off since then, but not together. And nothing about IVF is easy on a marriage. Nothing. I shared a little of that in a previous post: Sex and IVF Don’t Mix

It was really good to be there together and it meant so much to me that he made it. He even agreed to go back in a couple of weeks which is a miracle bc we need it. Sometimes things feel okay and even happy, but other times I am in a very dark place wondering how it can go on.

We all suffer. IVF or not it’s human nature to suffer. And he suffers with anxiety too…and that comes with it’s own unique set of circumstances. The anxiety wraps up with the intimacy and the issues we face being labeled with infertility after years of timed intercourse…Plus the procedures and the drugs and the loss and the pain and anguish. Before you know it you’re so deep in it all you can barely see out. Your husband is so wrapped up in his pain the two of you are barely connecting let alone being intimate.

OH. MY. GOD.

It’s too much!!!

But our session tonight was hopeful bc we were both totally there. In it. And afterwards we celebrated with a Margarita at a favorite little spot. Let’s be honest, they help ☺.

So, aside from that, I am waiting for cycle day 1 to show up so we can get this show on the road. Acupuncture is going well, last Friday she did moxa over my uterus to warm it (and increase bloodflow) which was nice. She continues to tell me to drink more water. I try. But it’s hard, especially at work bc I get busy and don’t think about it. Gotta keep hoping and keep trying. It’s all we have.
Til next time. xoxo