It’s been a while. I haven’t found myself able to write as I’ve been so overwhelmed with emotion and wanting to keep this miracle pregnancy a secret so I wouldn’t jinx it…not a total secret, some people know. But the thought of “announcing” completely stresses me out. And I know how painful it can be to on the receiving end of the announcement. I feel like, this experience isn’t for everyone else anyway. I don’t know, it sounds selfish. But I guess it’s hard not to be selfish after the past 4 years and how my life has been so drastically affected.
So things are going well. Like hard to believe well. My second to last appointment with my RE, he said I’m not going to let you make anything about this negative. He could tell I was fishing…OK surely something isn’t as it should be, Doc. No!
A lot has happened. We are 15 weeks today, officially in the 2nd trimester. We have graduated from the fertility clinic, are off all meds except prenatal vitamins, and have moved on to the OB. Mine also has midwives…quite the opposite of the fertility world. Their mantra is as little unnecessary intervention as possible, which includes ultrasounds. I have an appointment next Thursday. I’m not sure what will happen but there won’t be an ultrasound. We will get to hear the heartbeat though.
I was on the fence, but we were gifted a fetal doppler and it turns out we really love having it. There’s something comforting about listening and hearing baby’s heartbeat thumping away.
My fatigue has let up but my headaches are still happening regularly. I have tried to avoid meds and use a lot of ice packs but every once in a while I break down and take Tylenol if the headaches go on too long. I did develop a UTI earlier on but luckily I didn’t really have symptoms and antibiotics cleared it right up.
Husband is still too freaked out to be intimate even though our RE told us repeatedly sex is perfectly fine and safe. I don’t think I ever shared on this blog that the one time I became pregnant naturally, the day I started spotting (which eventually led to a loss) was the first time we were intimate. Needless to say he’s still traumatized from that experience even though he knows better. I understand though. It’s all so difficult on the brain…this entire process.
We’ve decided to wait until baby is here to learn the gender. After years of labs and egg counts and sperm counts we just want something simple and old fashioned. So we’re slowly putting together a gender neutral nursery and I’m enjoying colors and animals in there, just trickling in.
Good friends recently gifted us with a huge lot of used baby items from their son which was such a lovely thing. There are a few items I definitely want new, but so much baby gear is used for such a short time so I love reusing when possible.
We’ve been doing a lot of emptying out and reorganization, which was needed anyway. I love putting rooms together and all things home so this is a dream come true for me in that way, too.
I am (and always will be) very sensitive to those on the other side of infertility. The thought of a social media announcement is painful bc I know how it feels to be on the receiving end so very well. I have been off FB for years now due to this struggle, it became too much. The husband wants to post something eventually, but not until I’m ready. I don’t know if I’ll ever get there!
Thinking of the entire community of the strongest women I know, and hoping for peace for those still fighting the good fight.